At the age of 39, I would have expected the unpredictable to have leveled out a bit in my life. Yet, it seems quit the opposite.  No matter what area of my life I seem to have under control, there are other areas that simply explode in my face. Can you relate?

For instance, it’s December, and you all know that means the holidays are among us. This usually means a little financial juggling for our family. Shifting some bills around to make a little wiggle room for presents. (This is where I hear Dave Ramsey ranting in my head: “Christmas comes every 12 months! You know this! Why have you not planned ahead and saved money for this????” Can I get an AMEN!!!)  But this year, no matter how hard I try, I can’t seem to catch a break. I normally take adversity in stride, knowing God has a plan and simply waiting it out. This year He is really testing my patience…or my juggling skills, not sure which! lol

Image by Renjith Krishnan.

Recently, my husband had to go to the ER for a burn on his arm. He tried to go to the clinic, a $60 visit, but it was lunch time so they sent him to the ER instead: a $700 visit. Do the math on that one! A week ago, my son hurt his foot while playing.  It appeared to be okay, but now it is hurting him again. This will require an x-ray very soon to determine what is needed.  All of a sudden, my daughter’s eyes have decided they need glasses and her teeth refuse to come in straight! Not to mention we are still paying off medical bills from my broken leg a year ago! (Yes, we have some insurance but it never covers everything!)

Normally, we find creative ways to make all our ends meet. We catch a break somewhere and it all comes together. But, right now nothing is turning out that way. I know the Lord says to cast all my cares on him and be anxious for nothing, and that is what I’m trying to do. But, in the honor of full disclosure I have to say… I am anxious. I know I shouldn’t be, but I am. Not just because I may not get my Christmas gifts purchased, but because we have some real needs that are going unmet at the moment. Because I’m embarrassed that I can’t pay my bills on time or maybe even at all right now. Because I am letting people down – I don’t like to let people down! Because I am a Christian and I feel like I’m setting a terrible example! Because I am a responsible adult, contributing to society, holding down a good job (two actually) and it still isn’t enough. It is not enough.

So, I sit and I wait. I’ve done everything I can do in my own strength. I’ve turned over every leaf I know to turn.  This one is out of my control.

Honestly, when I let go of that CONTROL is usually when God shows up and shows off. So, I sit and wait for him to do just that!  While I may be frustrated and anxious, I know where my hope comes from! I am NOT without HOPE because I serve a mighty God. He hasn’t forgotten me. His ways are higher than my ways. So, I will sit and wait to catch my break from Him.

God bless you all! Merry Christmas.

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